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January 30, 2003
If Wishes Were Websites
This Place Would Be Up-To-Date

I would like to apologize to anyone who actually came to my site (on purpose), hoping to find some new content since last summer. I actually have a plethora of weird and wonderful stuff to share, but all my spare time got sucked up by the swirling Vortex of Chaos that is life here at Casa de Caribou.

Of course those of you with actual lives will probably nod understandingly but point out that your Vortex is bigger than mine. Undoubtedly you managed to work 120 hours a week, raise your kids, coach their soccer and Little League teams, remodel your entire house, bowl, golf, hike, bike and build your own race car (from scratch) to compete on the Nascar circuit, travel to Tibet to find inner peace, return home to volunteer at the local soup kitchen (or if there wasn't one, build one and then work at it), and still had time to update YOUR personal website.

Well WOOT! to you, but I don't suffer from Vortex Envy - mine is already big enough, thank you very much.

What this does point out, however, is the pressing need for scientists to create a Universal Time Bank. This Time Bank would allow you to deposit small chunks of otherwise wasted time - time spent in line at the grocery store, sitting around in the doctor's office, or waiting for your computer to reboot - and save this time for when you really need it. That way, the next time you found yourself wishing you had just ten more minutes to make it to work on time or an extra hour to finish a project by deadline, you could just make a timely withdrawal and problem solved!

Meanwhile back here in the Caribou Continuum...

I added something new to the Writings & Rants page, and I'm starting to set up some sub-pages to move the old content off this front page. The rest of the updates that have been on backorder since last July will be arriving "any day now" so check back soon for "New and Improved Content"!

The Antlered Avenger,
Caribou Ken

 

January 25, 2003
Dancing, Sweating & Bad Hair

It seems that anything you like to do can be turned into an exercise program. And if you can find enough other people who also like to do the same thing, you can probably sell them an exercise video based on it. Which is probably why Richard Simmons has done so well with his dance/exercise videos, such as Sweatin' To The Oldies, Disco Sweat, and the disturbingly titled Dance Your Pants Off!

But I have to admit I was surprised at how many different type of dance had been turned into exercise videos...

• Goddess Workout: Introduction to Bellydance
• Hip Hop Body Shop: The Hippest Hip Hop Aerobic Workout
• The New York City Ballet Workout
• Hula Workout for Weight Loss

I wouldn't have thought of ballet as an aerobic exercise, but I guess Richard Blanshard has, and thinks so highly of it that his Ballet Workout is available on both VHS and DVD, in Dolby 5.1 no less!

Next, while I was searching for info on exercise videos, I came across another oddity of exercise - Dummies books and videos.

That's right, The Dummies, who are obviously no dummies when it comes to finding a marketable concept, offer a whole series of books and videos to help you become more visually appealing no matter what your IQ, including...

• Workouts For Dummies
• Weight Training For Dummies
• Weight Training Diary For Dummies
• Basic Yoga Workout For Dummies
• Power Yoga For Dummies

And in case you might be thinking this is fringe stuff, just look at the sales ranking for this book from Amazon...

• Pilates Workout for Dummies
Amazon.com Sales Rank (DVD): 44

Finally, whether you prefer hula workouts or power yoga, one thing everyone ends up with is bad hair. And as the good folks at Amazon would like to remind you, people who have bad hair may be interested in the following books...

Bad Hair: A Collection of Bad Hairstyles So Bad You Can't Look Away

From the Publisher...Mullets, bouffants, rattails, beehives, bob gone wrong, and styles so hideous they have no name, are just some of the follicle atrocities to have emerged from barber shops and beauty salons over the last thirty years. Here, collected in book form for the first -- and possibly last -- time, is the International Bad Hair Hall of Fame, culled from the windows of hairdressers around the world. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but some pictures just speak the same word a thousand times: BAD.

And of course, customers who bought this book also bought...

• The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods
• Mulletheads: The Legends, Lore, Magic, and Mania Surrounding the Humble but Celebrated Mullet

This message sponsored by... the American Ellipsis Council...
...who urge you use more ellipses... today!

 

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